As I sit here after what is considered a major snowstorm in Virginia, I was able to spend a little time talking to some folks on Facebook. A very interesting comment was made to me today from someone who’d recently figured out she is a submissive. Her realization is life changing and she’s trying to garner any information as she moves into her personal journey. Of course there’s a lot of misinformation on the social airwaves and I encouraged her to learn from those who really know. She told me she thinks D/s relationships are perhaps the most honest. I smiled when I read the words and you know my opinion – she’s right.
For any of you who have read my blogs for the past year or so, you’ve heard about the good, the bad and the wretched with regards to John Patrick. His entrance into my life certainly changed the woman I am forever. I sat back for a few minutes, between phone calls about why wasn’t snow removed on state maintained streets, and reflected on her words. Yes, without a doubt couples sharing a D/s life together can and should have a completely honest level of communication. While solid communication is the key to any successful relationship, those sharing D/s have a slightly different journey on their hands.
What I found in the year plus working through the joys as well as trials and tribulations of a rather complicated relationship is that we are completely honest with each other. There’s nothing held back and at times, as you can imagine, the concept is frustrating as hell. However, in being so open, the trust has been built to a level I have no fears or worries about what he shares with me. He feels the same. I never really sat down and thought about how important honesty between us truly is until these last months. I think I took for granted how open we truly can be.
This very distinct line of communication been challenged as of late because he continues to question everything about himself. He moves back and forth from the dark and light sides of him in a manner that quite frankly confuses me. Of course we both have lives that are challenging, but then again, who doesn’t? After what occurred between us in November and the near silence for a couple of weeks, he roared back with the darker side, hungering for aspects of his sadistic needs that would confuse most people. For me, I knew he was exploring the very honest need to accept himself and that’s been challenging for both of us. His difficulty in not just accepting, but embracing both sides have led to angst for both of us. As of today he’s very vanilla, commenting even if I noticed his darker side was in a hiatus. Uh YES!
I mentioned in many blogs acceptance is the first part of moving into the lifestyle. That entails being entirely honest with yourself first. You can’t delve into or share D/s with a partner unless you know what you want and need, and what you expect of yourself. He’s been forced to face the inner darkness, condemned in theory by those who know him already and so he questions his motives and desires. He continues to believe there is something wrong about his kinky hungers. His light side fights tooth and nail and at the end of the day, I’m exhausted. I know he is as well.
I truly believe I’m the only person who knows all sides of the very complex man as he does me. Our mixed lives ensure conversations that bring us closer to one final leap, one of faith and belief in our needs. Of course this is as well as in embracing the last bit of trust we need to move forward in our journey. Being honest isn’t easy in this manner. I stand back and listen, studying the man I love so much, and see his continued pain. He’s fighting those very truths that make him happy. I’m one of those chicks who will fight for the beings I love, man or beast, and I continue to be angry about the pressure he places on himself because of those who never got to know the man – the real man.
He asked me again recently if I really wanted the entire man, all sides. ABSOLUTELY. I not only adore but long to have both sides. You can’t have a D/s relationship without a touch of the vanilla. You can’t share the intense need to submit or dominate without. That’s my firm belief. He might be complex, but I can tell you his heart and soul are utterly amazing. His words, the way he treats me allows me the strength to continue to fight for what we know is as near to perfection as you can find. No, nothing is perfect and he and I have a darker side still that continues to bring worry, confusion and a fear of what we might be getting into. But I’m along for the ride, no matter how tumultuous.
I mentioned to him in a moment of my personal self doubt that if he tells me on the darker side he wants to beat me or on the other if he says the actual words ‘I love you’ or ‘I need you’ that it’s all puppies and rainbows. That’s a little bit of an inside joke with us. You’ve heard the old adage about the perfect marriage with the white picket fence and golden retriever. Nothing is this simple, easy or in any way the truth. Again, if you’ve read about what I call our love affair, you know this honesty I speak of is jaded. I won’t go into detail, as we have to deal with our very souls. What I can tell you is that he and I have to find a new and higher plane of communication and honesty. Now we must be more open than ever, sharing fears in a way that will hurt both of us. When you have such honesty between two people, at least you know you can trust as you move forward, even with baby steps. He talks about the elephant in the room, the one you can’t bite a chunk off of. He’s right as usual. We have to take our journey a bit at a time.
What I want to relay more than anything is that only through open discussions, unfettered by the world around you, can you find happiness. The huge BUT is that you have to do this for yourself first. You have to take these baby steps alone before you can ever hope of connecting in a way no one else can push aside. I’ve called our love one of the ages, but every day we’re tested. That’s ok. I’m up for the challenge as well as the ending fight. I know the odds, realize the obstacles, but this is something powerful indeed.
When you are honest with yourself, the rest comes at least easier. I no longer worry about what my family says and cautiously control who I am in business. No one needs to know what I do in my private life. For any who care about me, I hope they respect my honesty in sharing with them who I really am. For me that’s priceless.
Are D/s relationships more honest? I think so. I trust him because of the months we shared talking about everything, good and bad. That fact alone has allowed me to place my heart, soul and body into his hands. Love is the other portion. Good thoughts to keep in mind.
Kisses and spanks…