Jealousy in D/s…Can You Control?

I was teasing JP as usual and asked him what he wanted for his birthday. This was about a week ago. His response? A slave. Well, we laughed, joked about how this would work. His thoughts were that a house slave would be wonderful for both of us. Of course this would require that he and I actually live together. Still, the fantasy brought about first a funny then a serious conversation. Initially he was thinking the slave would have the house cleaned, clothes washed, dinner prepared, a bottle of wine opened when He Takes Mewe got home from work. I love the idea. Sign me up.

Of course after dinner, no doubt Sir would have ‘other’ needs as you can imagine. I also reminded him that we’d have the responsibility of taking care of the slave with regard to clothes, food, health etc. He laughed and said, what clothes? That’s a man for ya.

I asked him again, suggesting what tangible gift would he love the most on his birthday. He said a tropical island with me, a friend of mine he adores, and a house slave. Of course there would be other items on this adventure such as rum, pina colada mix, whips, floggers etc. There’s that house slave again. Broken record this man has. Yes, you can laugh with me. The serious truth is that in his idea world, we would indeed be living a polyamory life. I’m talked a little about this before and as he and I continue in our journey, the more we’re opening up about our needs as well as our respective fears.

I have several emails that come to my phone, including the one capturing various group comments on both mine and our Fetlife page. For those who don’t know, Fetlife is another social media site, specifically set up for those searching to find more information or friendship with others who share the love of kink or D/s. You can pretty much find anything you want within the Internet walls. You can also find others who are searching for a partner. There are various groups that exist on Fetlife as well as those that meet in real life all across the world.

JP and I share information, chat with a few people, and he is a huge reader of various forums. He’ll often come back to me with questions based on something he’s read. Learning more is vital for us, for anyone, going through the various stages of D/s or any of the alternative lifestyles. Today I read a comment from a submissive, who was afraid her Dom would be upset that she continued to have jealous tendencies, even though she and her Dom had talked about bringing in another submissive. She realized she was Letting gohaving difficulty with even the thought about his comments regarding a pretty submissive’s picture on Fetlife.

I sent the entire string to JP and I’m curious as to his thoughts. As I mentioned, we’ve talked in pretty deep detail about the topic more than once. I’m a female and very human after all. I want to be number one, not a chick in a long line of them. For months he’s assured me that I’d always be first, both in his heart and in the relationship. Sounds good but what’s the reality? The discussion is two dimensional. When you have flesh and blood in the mix, the entire dynamic is going to change. Every human is different so there’s no way another submissive wouldn’t alter our relationship.

JP believes adding a third would be a wonderful and very powerful experience. I don’t disagree at all. I think given the right person, the relationship could be that much more fulfilling. He wants me to be the one to choose, to feel close to her as well as very comfortable. That’s one reason he adores my best friend. We’ve been tight for over twenty years and he knows that in my heart I’d realize she wouldn’t hurt me. Would I still have certain moments of jealousy?

Hmmm… The comment on Fetlife today made me really stop and think. Do I get jealous now? Would I become more or less jealous if there was another person in the picture? Given we’re very open about every aspect of our life, needs and wants, am I jealous now? If I had to really dig deep into my soul I’d say at times I have a slight twinge when he says something about another submissive. However, let me caveat this by adding that I’m not talking about if he sees a cool picture and thinks the chick is hot. Come on girls. Men do this, we do this, om fact. everyone hungers for a taste of ‘strange’. If you don’t you’re lying. I had one experience I’ll mention with him last year.

He’d been talking with a highly intelligent professional woman late last spring. I’d known about the conversation. I knew she was looking for a Master. When he told me he’d had coffee with her and that she offered him a slave contract, I admit I was thrown. Keep in mind, I’d encouraged him to talk to others, learning and asking questions, seeing what they’re like. I simply didn’t think one would be so blunt to offer him a contract. Granted, what she was offering wasn’t about romance, but about servitude. This is completely different than what he and I share, however I have to admit, tears slipped past my eyelashes that day. I was terrified he’d accept. That’s the bottom line. Then I’d be second. Of course this isn’t the truth, but I didn’t have a firm grasp on our relationship at that time in any way at that point. There hadn’t been enough moments shared together either in vanilla or D/s.

He wanted my opinion and we talked about every aspect, prompting us to really delve into whether or not we were ready to consider a third. The answer of course was no. He Know when to pull her hairthanked her profusely, but said no. They still talk occasionally and I’m glad. He’s learned so much from interacting with others, just like I have. Now several months have passed and we talk often about the concept.

A few questions will forever swim around in my mind. If we go down a path of attempting to meet the right third, would my worries increase? Would I have more fears, trepidations about sharing a relationship that’s so deep, so very close with another? Yes, I will as he will of course. Continued very open communication between us as well as with another person will happen – a LOT. He and I both know we’re still not ready yet. Perhaps we never will be, but his fantasy will stay alive and I’ll feed it now and then. I have certain requirements as a submissive you know.

All joking aside. What I can tell you is that of any man I’ve ever met, JP is the only one I’d trust enough of myself as well as him to share what we have with another. A daunting concept in my mind. What do you think? Would you ever consider? It’s a tough question and one I have no doubt will bring about additional lively conversations.

Kisses and spanks…


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
This entry was posted in BDSM, Domination and submission, Polyamory and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Jealousy in D/s…Can You Control?

  1. laurellasky says:

    This is a tough one. When I turned 40 I had my first relationship with a guy that lived in the same building complex. We met for the first time at the mailboxes and he told me his father had just died and he was on his way to clean out the apartment. I offered to go with him and help. We became good friends and went out to dinner and a movie. There was another woman who lived across the hall who was a platonic friend or so they said. After several months we started a sexual relationship. Do to my past I didn’t do sex very well but I enjoyed the time we had. Then one day he said he couldn’t continue our relationship because the lady across the hall was jealous of the time he spent with me. He just didn’t want any drama so he took the easy way out. I was very hurt but continued a friendship. He invited me over one evening and the other woman was there. We got high on grass and booze and had a threesome. I was very passive and let her do me. Frankly I didn’t enjoy it. When I was 42 I met the love of my life, Ed. At that time Ed was 60. We met in February and he moved in with me in July. He was the first man who stayed overnight. We talked about our fantsys and I told him I liked being spanked. He did try a few times but he was too vanilla.his fantsy was a third man to Fuck me while he watched. I considered it for a while and then told him no because I thought it would ruin our relationship. He agreed and we are both glad we didn’t do it as it surely would have changed the dynamics of our relationship. As I told you he is now going on 90 and we still adore each other.
    Bringing a third party into a relationship may work but but then again it’s taking a Hugh risk. It also puts at risk the friendship you re established with JP. Like I said, it’s a tough one. Love and hugs my dear friend. Other than my husband and my therapist I have never told anyone about this.


    • Laurel – thank you so much for sharing. I think we’ve all had a small experience with sharing, but yours sounds so beautiful and tragic at the same time. You’re quite an amazing woman.


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