Life can be a bit daunting at times. Don’t you think? Okay, the truth is, life can be a pain in the ass. Between work, trying to make ends meet, family requirements and the daily struggles of basic necessities, we can all become exhausted. Disillusioned. What happens to a D/s relationship when the reality of day-to-day life takes precedence? Do you cease being a Dom or submissive? I think for so many couples, this can be the
ultimate challenge. You both want to continue sharing life within the D/s realm, but there are times you simply can’t. How can a submissive serve in other ways? This is challenging.
John Patrick and I have often talked about this very issue. We aren’t unlike anyone else. Our careers are demanding. Mine in particular envelops a long drive to and from along with night meetings. Often I’m exhausted and of course the regime he and I established, albeit while not living together, shows strain. He gives me leeway, as I do him, regarding the basic requirements and rules. Is this the best aspect for our journey? Well, maybe not in certain applications, but the truth is, a D/s relationship has to be flexible. If you can’t or refuse to understand there are going to be obstacles, one or both will become disillusioned. What I’ve learned is that there are various methods many couples have tried, sometimes failing, other times excelling in revving the D/s portion of their lifestyle. I have to ask, is there anything wrong with switching back and forth from vanilla to D/s? This is an answer only the two of you know, given your personal dynamics.
I realized, after much soul searching, that every step within the journey is a learning experience. I may consider myself a submissive, but I have another side, one aggressive in business. Combining the two when life throws you a curve ball has left me in tears, questioning if I know what the hell I’m doing. I’m not a patient woman and he has to center me – OFTEN.
John Patrick is a patient man. He’s also very understanding given he goes through a myriad of complex emotions much like I do. He’s very intelligent and when we discuss what’s going on, I gain strength from his understanding. What I finally embraced, after talking with so many submissives, is that we all long to please, to serve every day. If the traditional methods can’t apply, are there other ways to show him (or her) your devotion? Absolutely. In reflecting about my time spent with JP, the realization I took on the submissive/serving role in various ways isn’t shocking, merely a telling of my personality.
We enjoy sitting and discussing our days, politics, music etc. over a glass of wine. The simple act of opening the bottle of wine, pouring him a glass and refilling, is a 
simple method, one that merely occurred because of my desire to please him. Innately I yearn to make certain he’s happy or comfortable, joy spilling into every moment we share. For us, cooking is another aspect we love to enjoy together, but often I suggest a menu given his tastes, ones he’s shared with no one else. He’s happy I remember simple facts. I know he craves seafood, the spicier the better, and preparing a menu is a wonderful way to shower him with adoration. He happens to be a Dom who enjoys cooking and the experiences are always tasty – no pun intended.
I’ve said so many times how important communication is between the two of us (all D/s couples) and preparing a meal, enjoying the festivities around the event and talking as you eat and drink, relax and share your day, is priceless. He’s learned so much about what makes me tick as a woman as well as a submissive from making dinner together, finding the perfect wine. While some vanilla couples might take this for granted, for he and I, we savor every minute together.
I realized as I was thinking about this blog that I enjoy giving gifts in so many ways. Sending him pictures of either island locations or BDSM acts garners me praise. He’s an extremely visionary man and values the photos, which give him ideas. Initially he had a rule where I was required to send a picture every day. This certainly isn’t a chore, but a very beautiful way of giving him thoughts and ideas about my inner soul, things I crave. He’ll often do the same thing, texting little sayings or pictures to brighten my day. At other times the picture will be more pointed, an experience another D/s couple had or a question as to whether he could push my limits. This allows me to ponder. We discuss and become closer. I also learn about the inner workings of the man, the deep thoughts buried in his psyche.
Other very natural deeds I found myself doing involved helping him relax. For me, giving him a massage first thing in the morning is more intimate than sex. Yes, truly it is. Our bodies connect and he relaxes, the worries about the day seem to fade away for a little while. We usually don’t talk while I’m massaging him, but afterwards, he usually has an amazing thought or question. The slight amount of time spent just relaxing seems to allow his mind to go to another place, deep seeded in nature. He’s set free to think and wonder about life, our relationship or a general thought. You’d be surprised what his big brain can come up with.
Showering together is another aspect I love so much. After the very first time, and without being asked, I began to wash his body, scrubbing every inch and rubbing him dry. Yes, this is very intimate, personal and at times can be very sexual. The closeness shared before a frantic day leaves me refreshed, my mind open to take on my tough job. He offers no words of control, no particular requirements. There isn’t a need. At the time, we’re so connected words don’t need to be said.
The small tasks remain in place no matter if I can’t see him, or if I have a long day. I text
him with updates, as he does me. We talk throughout the day, even for minutes or sometimes seconds at a time. Every time I hear the ‘blip’ sound his text makes, I smile, knowing whatever he has to say, what request he has will remind me of my place. I long to hear the ‘blip’ during grueling periods during my daily chores. I know he does as well.
I’m the kind of gal who buys little treats. They don’t have to be expensive. They’re simple reminders we know about the man, his likes and needs. I’ve sat in a parking lot, because time was limited, and brought a bottle of wine. I keep a wine opener in my purse and make certain I don’t forget the glasses! Sitting in a parking lot consuming wine might not seem romantic, but for us, we laugh and talk, tease and drink for a little while – reconnecting and reconfirming our relationship. While I know life interferes, the strength of your relationship, the one build by confirming your need to be in a D/s relationship, doesn’t have to take a back seat. You both have to think outside the box in an effort to make your life together as important as all the other pulls you’re going to have.
What ways do you both reconnect? How do you keep the rules intact while embracing life has twists and turns? You go back to the reason you wanted to share D/s in the first place. Never forget. Never allow life to interfere completely.
I hope you’ve enjoyed.
Kisses and spanks…
Cassandre
Passion with a Dark and Dangerous Twist 