In writing books that involve spanking, I try and showcase the fact there are various kinds – pleasure, enticement, foreplay, discipline, and punishment. I think there are a lot of people, whether readers or those involved in the Domestic Discipline or D/s lifestyle, who question the difference. Why? Because a lot of people crave a hard spanking more often than you would imagine. When I started writing about spanking, I think a portion of the reason was I knew the genre was HOT. Taboos are sexy and given so many of us live a very vanilla lifestyle, various kinky acts are very tasty – even if we stand outside the glass window. Readers flock to spanking stories. My blogs zoom off the charts when I mention the word spanking in any manner.
I’ve talked about trends before. Trends are topics that seem to be the concept of the moment. As authors, we follow trends to a point. Vampires were all the rage then they died off. The onslaught of everything vampire including the Twilight collection certainly dragged every vampire book or movie out of the dark shadows. No pun intended to one of the original vampire television shows back in the sixties. Suddenly you couldn’t turn around without a vampire in a story. The market was flooded and the genre went flat.
Spanking seems to be a growing concept and while reading about the lifestyle, experiencing the fine nuances is also increasing in popularity. Why? Well, we’re a society in need of strict discipline. I’m certainly speaking for the United States right now, but bad behavior is a constant, the strain racing through the work place, politics and our home lives. People act out to garner attention and there are few filters. There are trends every day with regard to blogs. A few I noticed today were how to start a head of household relationship, how to punish your wife, and humiliating your wife. Interesting eh? What does this say about our culture? Speculation for me is that relationships – whether business or personal – are suffering for a variety of reasons. We’re all pulling against each other in an attempt to be the bigger fish in the water.
For me, every time I dive into a period where stress is a constant, I act out. My mouth becomes sailor mouth. I snap at people. I growl and push hard. I refuse every excuse that comes along from anyone – no matter the reason. Since I now understand what a hard spanking does for me, I crave very strict discipline. I think if you ask a huge majority of women (men too), if being totally honest, they’d finally admit they would prefer following rules. And being punished when they’re broken.
Spankings are increasing in marriages and typically the man is the head of household. Domestic Discipline is still “under the covers” as far as public conversation, but groups who practice and live the lifestyle enjoy talking about how their relationship has improved. I was asked recently, by a fan of my blog, about spankings for pleasure versus pain. The question seems to come up quite often. I can certainly understand. Spankings in the bedroom have been around for a long time. There’s nothing more sensual than having your man grab you, pull you over his lap and issue a few hard slaps as foreplay. Doesn’t the thought alone get you all hot and bothered? The majority love having a man in control, taking charge in the bedroom. Of course there is the opposite side and at times, women love being the aggressor, but as a whole, we what a man to throw us down, fuck our brains out – to use the old expression. We simply do.
When you crave and enjoy spankings, can your HOH or Dom help you differentiate between play time and punishment? Are there different techniques as well as implements that should be used? My personal opinion is yes to all of the above.
Can a submissive, girlfriend, wife or other spankee know and embrace the difference between a spanking/sex versus a punishment spanking? Honestly? There is a huge difference and there are various reasons why. First of all, playtime spanking is usually administered during amorous occasions. We’ve already discussed this. Secondly, truly women know when rules have been broken and that either being found out or telling on yourself is going to bring about some version of punishment. Even if you don’t practice DD or D/s, you know when you’ve run a red light. You look frantically in the rear view mirror to try and see if a police officer is around, breathing a sigh of relief when there isn’t. Do you attempt the same action again thinking you probably won’t get caught? My guess is yes, you will indeed.
I think for a huge portion of us, following the rules is something we learn very early in our childhood and the reality of right versus wrong we follow religiously. Often disobeying is brought on by tension or exhaustion. However, there are times we try and annoy our partner. We know all the buttons to push so we push them hard. We don’t care if we hurt their feelings. We tell little white lies about spending money or remembering to mail the cable bill, knowing it’s going to be late. You hope and pray you’ll be the one to pay the bills the next go around so your forgetfulness isn’t discovered. What if there are consequences and you know perfectly well you’re going to be found out?
For most women, the sick in the stomach feeling hits hard. We sweat and worry, frustrate and have trouble concentrating at work. If you tell on yourself ahead of time whether over the phone or via texting, the disappointment in his voice or the quietness of his texts the remainder of the day scream how unhappy his is. I know I couldn’t stand that any of the few times I disappointed John Patrick. I cringed, my stomach remaining in knots either all day or for days. I begged him to punish me to feel absolved of my sins. I wanted to pay for what I’d done, wiping the slate clean.
Did he spank me for fun? You bet and usually he used his hand and issued only a few hard strikes. When he punished me, this was something else entirely. For he and I, the belt was used for true punishment. What I truly believe is that there are variations of spankings as well as different levels. Telling a white lie about purchasing a new nightie at Victoria’s Secret is something else entirely than running a red light, back talking a cop. Well don’t you think? The hand is often used as a reminder or a slap as well as for a sensual spanking. Belts, paddles, canes, hairbrushes are most often used when true discipline is involved. However, every couple is different. Also various additions to times of punishment are added such as time spent in the corner before or after the spanking. Two or more punishment methods coupled together can truly help a submissive or wife come back into focus.
You have to talk together so you both understand the dynamics. If rules are broken and your HOH or Dom has strict guidelines about how a punishment is going to be handled, i.e. they are always administered at the end of the day, then you might have twelve or more hours to think about your actions. I can guarantee you that the concept of disappointment is worse than the punishment.
There’s another age old question. Are punishments supposed to hurt? The simple answer is yes, of course they are. You’re being punished for disobeying or breaking the rules.
I try and convey this in my books, but often my characters find themselves enjoying intimacy after the event. This can happen in real relationships as well of course. Couples are usually closer, the bonding stronger. I know how I felt when JP and I started the journey – amazing.
I’m venture a guess when you read a DD or D/s story, the punishment sticks in your mind, excitement building. Am I right?
Enjoy the lovely day.
Kisses and spanks…