Submitting to a Spanking…Changing Your Lifestyle Years Later

Are you in a relationship that simply has no drive, no passion? Are you longing for the times you as a couple spent years ago, the ones where you could do anything and everything and enjoy? I think for the majority of us who are in long-term relationships, we experience moments of boredom. Yes, true boredom. You aren’t happy because you can’t share anything any longer together. This is when couples often reach out in various ways. An affair comes to mind. There’s nothing sexier than a new romance, heated passion. Is anticipationthere? I’ve been there. I’ve enjoyed. I wanted more. I have no doubt we’ve been attracted to another person, hunger building to a breaking point. That’s human nature. I don’t honestly believe there’s just one person for all of us. Now, in saying this, I’ve only found two men I was truly able to let my guard down with.

One, I was an idiot in my twenties and while I was in love with him desperately, I had zero patience. The second – John Patrick – well we all know the struggles we continue to go through. I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I do know the reason for why we connect so deeply – we are exactly alike. The other man – we were exactly alike. My guess is you’re thinking about your significant other now, realizing you’re nothing alike.

When we’re first together, we tend to want to try new things. The fact he enjoys hunting, and Bambi is a furry creature to you, the concept is a little fascinating. Later on, the crap lying around the house and the fact he prefers hunting to a vacation pisses you off. Bambi should be placed on a pedestal as far as you are concerned. On his side, he used to love your antics, the little white lies and pouting sessions. Now, all he wants to do is turn you over his knee, give you a hard spanking.


Don’t giggle too much. Men think this way. They have the barbarian hunter mentality where they believe they’re in charge. They also think they know best. You know my feelings about men in charge – if they were a hell of a lot would be different in our relationships today and my bet is divorce would be way low. For couples who can at least talk about their problems, after a little while they finally realize their relationship can’t stay the same or they are headed for divorce. What do you do, instigate date night? Yeah okay. That might work for a little bit, but if he likes action movies and you chick flicks, that’s a bit tough to find middle ground. What about dancing? You love to dance, enjoy clubs and loud music. He hates bars, loathes noise and simply wants to go to a football game. Well, you might begin to see the dilemma.

To really be able to fix what you both consider to be broken, first you have to be willing to admit you’re not happy. Secondly, you have to be more than willing to try something completely different. This will take you way outside your comfort zone. I know for myself, I often get out of control and when you argue, you go to the extreme. Every issue is HUGE in your mind because you’re sick to death of something. He might be lazy, never cleaning the house. He might never pay attention to you, bring you flowers, text you in the middle of the day. For him, the constant nagging about his clothes on the floor makes him want to do this more often, leaving you a trail of dirty underwear. Then there are his friends. You NEVER want him to go out. Eh – this isn’t life. There have to be rules. There have to be consequences. There has to be one in charge. Just my opinion.

Submitting over the kitchen tableIf you both agree that life as you know it can’t stay the same and you realize date night will be disastrous, what do you do? You have to become reflective, think about your needs as well as his or vice versa. I think if you really soul search, you’re going to know what you’re missing. In the case of John Patrick and I, we both came to the basic conclusion that what we had wasn’t working – meaning with other people. That’s a tough concept to embrace. When we met and talked, instantly we realized he’d longed to be in charge, become the rule maker, and I wanted nothing more than to have a set of rules to follow. Granted, we share just about everything in common even if he’s a guy. We just work because we’re alike. As you get older, this becomes a vital element in our lives. We want to be the people we were in our twenties, before all the responsibilities of life kicked in. Can you do this in your current relationship? I think you can, but only if there is a drastic change. This is why the Domestic Discipline lifestyle seems to have really taken ahold.

How do you begin? You might by mixing it up in the bedroom and often this means adding a level of kink. Spankings seem so taboo, so tasty. My spanking stories are the most widely read and I’ve heard couples say they read them together. When you let down your guard, first admitting then accepting, there’s such peace. But you have to begin with you and reflect then you both have to be completely uninhibited in your conversations. If you can move past, talk about why you act out and why he simply shuts down, you might be able to gravitate toward either a DD or D/s relationship. These are huge steps and talking a lot is the key here. So you have one sexy incident in the bedroom and you love the fact he took control. Expand and explore.

I’m often asked about whether there’s a difference in spanking for enjoying and a discipline spanking. I’ve mentioned that recently. The lead up to a spanking for punishment, in my mind, is just as important as the spanking itself. Remorse and the frustration over knowing you’ve disappointed your husband or Dom is very powerful. As an assertive woman, the kind who takes zero shit from anyone, there’s an innate sense in the back of my mind, a kind of sickening feeling when I know I’ve done something wrong. I even have a little buzzing inside my head, like the ringing of a bell telling me in no uncertain terms I’ve been a bad girl.

I know as far as my behavior is concerned, I’m often trying to push the envelope. I want to see how far I can get with my mouthy or bitchy comments. We push the ones we love the hardest – don’t we? And do you know why? Attention. We all crave attention, especially as we get older. I was having a conversation with a girlfriend of mine, she’s going through the usual everything is a bit off in her relationship. Granted, they should be full of passion and verve since they haven’t been together very long, but… People change as they grow older and relationships stagnate, especially if you share very little in common. Couples tend to get together because they are attracted to each other initially, usually physically. They don’t really sit down and get to know each other and simply be the person they truly are. What do I need? I need to be that woman I mentioned, the one in her twenties, but then again, I’ve always tested men. I’ve pushed to see who pushes back.

John Patrick recognized this instantly about me. He knew from day one I needed rules to follow and he slowly gave me a set. They expanded over time until finally spankings were added as a means to give me consequences. My behavior didn’t change over night. I had to trust in both myself as well as him and I pushed – HARD. When I finally accepted the woman inside, had an unbreakable trust, I was able to let go of the aggressive girl. You canafter the spank too, but you have to decide whether the relationship you’re currently in is the one you want to continue. If not and you have nothing in common, do yourself a favor and move on. Life is too short and there’s no time for utter complacency. I bet you see yourself in this blog to some degree. Don’t you?

A little hard spanking is in order. Imagine being over his knee, the feel of his hand on your naked backside, the pain as he issues twenty or so swats. Are you tingling? This should tell you many things about yourself.


Things to consider…

Kisses and spanks…


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
This entry was posted in Domestic Discipline, Domination and submission, Spanking and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Submitting to a Spanking…Changing Your Lifestyle Years Later

  1. laurellasky says:

    Good post. I wish I could have a do over, lol. Your right, life is not a dress rehearsal. And the golden years are not for sissy’s.

    Hugs, Laurel


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