I was scrolling through messages on my phone yesterday and an entry caught my eye. You may have heard of things like Boot Camp within the BDSM world. Discipline Therapy kinda caught me by surprise. What in the world does this truly mean? I actually did a Google search to see what came up and the page filled with aspects and definitions of D/s and BDSM. There are plenty of Wikipedia notes on various methods of play and safety, but little of nothing on this topic. However, there are selections about hiring someone within the lifestyle.
One can certainly hire a Dominatrix to discipline a very bad submissive. There are those who advertise they’ll punish bad subbies for a price. What I find interesting is that when you delve into what these services entail, there’s an awful lot of women in powerful positions offering to punish wicked men. That is not at all what I’m talking about. I read a little deeper into the thread on Fetlife and realized that many couples are unsure about the concept of discipline after they decide to move into more of a D/s relationship. From what I read, the Dom in particular was asking about help with his submissive, what he called a very willful woman. I had to laugh given I’ve heard this about a zillion times out of JP’s mouth before. There are some women I believe who are truly understanding of their needs and embrace their submissive side early on. Then there are those who’ve lived a very vanilla life, many as the top dog in both their professional and personal life, realizing late they’ve been living behind a mask.
I think truly submitting to anyone at this point is going to be a very LONG personal journey, one fraught with bouts of nasty words, tantrums and anger between the new D/s couple. I can’t say JP and I had fights, but I certainly pulled at the reins almost every day. Why? Because your innate behavioral tendencies come out when you’re pushed. If you’ve been a very strong personality for forty years, do you really think a change will happen in a few weeks or months? Not a snowball’s chance in Hell.
I think this is where the idea of Boot Camp came into play. When JP and I were doing research on the lifestyle in general, he ran into an organization that travels and provides a convention type weekend to couples in D/s. They held seminars, both sharing together and specific courses slated for Dom’s or submissives. We read the specifics and were intrigued. There are plenty of kink conventions that provide vendors selling everything from spanking implements and sex toys to classes on how to use a flogger or the safe use of electro-pay. This particular intrinsic seminar is truly about growing together as a couple.
As I’ve mentioned in many blogs, you don’t simply decide one day to mix up your relationship, going from vanilla where all things are equal to a total power exchange. If you think you can, you’re wrong. The conversations needed, the time spent delving into each other’s psyche and the breaking down of conventional thinking is daunting. While the change can perhaps save a marriage, the work involved is time consuming and very personal. Will well developed seminars, shared experiences and methods used that are tried and true help? I’m honestly not sure. In writing many of my stories, I’ve tried to show my readers the very intense emotions personified as both the man and women (or same sex couples) have as they begin their journey. The raw and frank nature of the switch is rather cathartic, but also draining. I’ve read about boot camps and there are plenty of mixed reviews as to whether they work.
The basics are simply to have an extremely intense weekend or week-long session in which very drastic changes are made. Punishments for any infractions occur generally several times a day. I’ve read where the submissive is kept naked for this extended period of time, every aspect of decisions entirely made by the Dom. I’m using a m/f Dom/submissive situation here, but of course this can be reversed or same sex. The submissive in this case must ask permission to do everything including going to the bathroom or having a drink of water. The power exchange is often one where she receives several spankings a day, merely to make certain the submissive begins to understand he is in control. I’ve read various blogs and had conversations with couples who’ve gone through this. In her mind, a few days of this very dramatic training can begin to break down the equal walls, but only if both parties are ready to accept and embrace the change.
If a couple is new to the lifestyle, I’m not certain this would work. Every couple is different of course, but re-training or re-programming is truly about the mind. Being required to sit naked at his feet, have privileges denied and receiving dozens of spankings aren’t going to change our basic deep-seeded instincts. We all have a strong will to survive and to be our own person. Society and our upbringing, teachers and friends, as well as our professional lives indoctrinate us, forming and molding the person we are today. Do you really think a weekend or a week of something entirely different is going to change one’s mental state? Think about a bad habit. Some experts say bad habits can be changed in two weeks, like smoking. If you’ve ever been a smoker, I doubt you’ll say two weeks of abstinence is enough.
Being the person we are isn’t a bad habit. Our personality is formed at an early age, our desires and our mental and physical needs forming over time. How in the world is a single session, no matter how dominating and demanding, going to change who we are inside? Yes, you have to want this change, NEED to unfurl the mask, rip away the darkness you’ve hidden behind. That’s the first step, but we’re all cautious of change. The older we get, the tougher it is to be something else. I could no more change my assertive/aggressive side all the time than I could needing to breathe. I just can’t. That’s the willful side of me, the woman who needs to be in a top level position. Butting heads would always occur. Would there be consequences to pay, such as various forms of punishment? You bet, but do you think that’s going to somehow break down those walls? No way.
That’s the crux of some couples when they try and move into more of a D/s situation. This is also why the entire shift is called a journey. Some take years, if not a lifetime, to get to a very comfortable and easy way between them. Some give up after time, going back to a more traditional role. Others mentally envelop the change as one being a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Can talking with professionals, or long term lifestylers help? Absolutely, but every couple takes the initial steps and every one after as their mentally and emotionally can given their respective circumstances. There is no magic book or training session that will be a perfect fit.
I do believe that various activities have to change. I also believe that the Dom must take control, but he has to know what’s going to work for his lady. He must unlock the chains that she has had around her for her entire life. That’s not easy. In order to do so, he has to unleash his personal demons and fears. Imagine the concept. I believe training and new routines are vital, but a boot camp or discipline therapy? There’s no one right way, no methods that are perfected. Communication, trust and the willingness to take baby steps are really the best method, at least from what I’ve seen.
Kisses and spanks…