Deep Love vs Powerful Authority

I had a vivid dream last night, one that actually kept me awake for a long time. I’d mentioned in my last blog that Cass was dead. Well, of course that’s not entirely true given I still have just about 120 additional books being re-released with Booktrope – and a few new ones. However, as the author, she’s not going to be penning new books. You’ll have to switch to DH Black in order to satisfy your intense, dark and very demonic needs. Hint on what’s to come. Still, the blogs will continue to a point.

In my dream, the girl was looking for a disciplinarian. You may be heard or read that you can actually hire a man or woman to provide punishment as deemed necessary. I’ve visited sites where you contact a Dom or Domme, develop a conversation and for a basic price are punished for your sins. This can be on a one time basis or even via a contract established between the two parties. While many of you may laugh, the concept isn’t so outlandish. Why can’t you find someone to give you exactly what you need with no strings attached other than your credit card? We can purchase every other service you can imagine.

I’m actually exploring this to an extreme in a piece DH is writing called Submissive for Hire. For many of you, this may sound like prostitution, but the experience or event doesn’t always include sex. I’ve blogged many a time that BDSM clubs and private sessions are more about providing aspects of pain or control, versus any true intimate act. Although there are many who will argue, and rightfully so, that kinky moments are much more intimate than true intercourse. Well, in the piece DH is writing, this particular story is much more of a thriller. A good time gone terribly wrong.

My dream resonated with the girl finding someone on Fetlife, talking to them via chat rooms and private messages, talking on the phone after a period of time then finally meeting over coffee. Of course there are plenty of sickos out there so as with anything, you have to be very careful what you’re doing and whom you’re getting involved with. Imagine for a moment finding someone you began to trust over time. Of course this person will have to live near you and be able to establish times in which you can get together. Think about taking a lunch hour or a quick stop after work.

In the case of my dream, the man was older, well established and a professional by day, yet has a penchant for being the authoritarian. I’ve talked to enough powerful men on various sites to know they exist. For them, the experience isn’t about sex, but about being a dominant without a relationship. Many women (and men of course) have an intense need or craving to be punished for their misbehavior. So many of us fight the system, pushing hard or engaging in nasty activities for sheer fun. If we’d look long and hard within our psyche, I think we know we’re craving a controlling presence in our lives, a man or women who will with a single look, stop the very moment or action.

The dream continued with the girl finally trusting her instincts enough to go to his house, a very unassuming brick rancher with lovely landscaping. Everything about this man was impeccable and organized from his house to his grounds. You can bet not a single neighbor has any idea this man has a closet full of implements in which to punish bad girls. Can you envision the day when she comes to his home? They sit down and talk again, he explains one more time what and how he’s going to discipline her and lays out the rules. She’ll come to his house at the allotted time, undress and stand in a corner, waiting until he’s ready.

Perhaps he’ll start with an over the knee spanking, then progress to something a bit harsher like the belt or a paddle. In my dream, after a humiliating naked spanking over his knees, he took her outside – still naked – and talked to her about her behavior as he selected the perfect switch. You can just envision his house nestled in the woods. The closest neighbors are far enough away they won’t see or hear a thing. Once the correct branch or twig is selected, they go back inside and she watches as he peels bark away, exposing the green of the switch inside.

Swoosh!

Can you embrace the butterflies in her stomach as he slaps the spanking implement on the counter, just to test out his creation? Again in the dream, he commands her to stand, place her hands behind her head and widen her stance. She’s fearful and reticent but more than ready to receive her punishment.

Crack! Pop!

A switch might merely sting, but the marks created, the pain inflicted is powerful. When the dream finally awakened me, I was tingling all over. Then my mind went to work wondering why in the hell I was dreaming of receiving a spanking from a stranger. Would any of us allow ourselves to be punished by someone we don’t know? Then again, have you ever gone to a bar, danced the night away, and ended up spending the night with the person? I can guess the answer.

Granted, a typical relationship doesn’t normally involve the man being the Head of Household – a domestic discipline situation. Nor does it allow for time spent in a kink club, the Dom showing off his submissive and even allowing others to punish her. The lifestyle is prevalent, much more than anyone realizes, but you certainly don’t have a barbecue and talk about spanking techniques. Oh the thought…

If you’re lucky enough to have a D/s style relationship, there’s no need for an outside source, but if you’re single, the odds of finding a ‘date’ who craves what you do is a bit off the charts. Love and the traditional vanilla relationship simply doesn’t involve punishment. But when the love is so strong, can you or are you willing to talk to your partner about your needs? As an assertive/aggressive woman, I know I push the envelope for reactions, whether consciously or unconsciously. I knew I’m looking for reactions. I realize I am trying to goad people at times. This behavior is innate.

My mind floated to the concept of why the time with JP was so powerful. With John Patrick, there was none of this allowed. After the first couple of weeks of getting to know me, he had my number down cold. He instinctively grasped my needs and desires, and through the course of only a few additional weeks, meshed his yearning to be the controlling factor into what we shared. Then of course there’s the deep love concept. When you realize one day this has been through into the mix… Well, let’s just say it’s the perfect combination.

For many, I think the act of being punished is powerful enough. You might not care who’s on the other end of the belt or flogger. You simply hunger for the slice of pain, the hint of humiliation and are sated at the end of the session. I think this is where those men and women who own a business providing such a niche service will flourish. But this is a niche situation. How many of us will truly place our trust into someone we really don’t know? How many will allow themselves to be tied down in order to be whipped. A strange person. A strange place. Methods of inflicting anguish. Hmmm… Of course, as with any situation, you develop a relationship over time, many conversations and opening up to another. However, is this the same as being in love with or pledging you submission to another? An interesting question. I suppose my dream highlighted the fact of what I’m missing and needing. My psyche interrupted my dreams in order to scream loud and clear – I’m longing for discipline in my life. Can I achieve without love? Honestly? I don’t have the answer. Powerful authority is enticing indeed.

An interesting thought though, don’t you think?

Kisses and spanks…

Cassandre