Master. Does the word give you tingles and fill you with a gnawing in your gut, or do you groan and wonder how women (or men of course) could say the word to another human? Can you see yourself serving the needs of another, while maintaining the person you are inside, even becoming stronger? My answer is an easy yes, but I’ve been able to explore the inner girl, the one hidden behind a mask. For many of you, you’ll never truly embrace the dark and kinky side dwelling within in. I’m not criticizing. Facing desires and needs takes a lot and often you’re left feeling shameful or even fearful. Our every day life and what the media states suggests BDSM is too far out there for the norm. You know how I feel. I hope through my various blogs during the course of several years, you’ve gleaned enough to know there’s nothing wrong with what you wish for – no matter what anyone or society tells you.
Life can certainly be interesting. As with all things, change is inevitable. My rather odd relationship with JP is fascinating, troubling, amazing and the man drives me batty at times. He certainly has fought demons of his own during the last year. I’ve been along for the tumultuous ride, one complete with tears and frustration, love and longing. We were having a conversation and I called him a meanie. He came back instantly saying, ‘you mean Master’. I laughed as well as shivered. He has that effect on me. A single text can turn me into a blubbering mass. His voice alone drives me into a heightened state of ecstasy. How can a man affect anyone so significantly?
During the time I’ve been writing blogs and books about the power of a D/s relationship, I’ve grown as an author as well as a woman. I’m certainly no expert, but I’ve seen the change in me and can only attribute this to the deep and uninhibited conversations I’ve had with him. We talk about anything and everything from politics to bondage. He reminded me the other day that I was his ‘jewel’ and that he can tell me and only me his darkest desires. His thoughts and needs are very dark, some bordering what many might call heinous. These talks have allowed us to grow as close as two people can be. D/s relationships are very close, igniting passions along with the longing to submit or dominate. Our wild ride is a great example.
JP told me in a frank talk several months ago that enjoying the D/s lifestyle, as well as embracing the dark side, is a choice. I admit, I argued with him, telling him flat out that for him, the need was furrowed deep in his psyche. He refused to believe me and for several months ignored his true tendencies. Well, guess what? They’re back and in full force. What he thinks about and craves is very dark indeed. I feel honored I’m the single person he can express his most intimate desires to. He wants nothing more than to own me, to have me serve him every day.
And so the journey continues…
What I learned from the months of angst is that when you form a bond this strong, there is little that can break the tie. I’m not certain what finally connected the dots and the roller coaster is still fleshing out so to speak, but I’m happy. As many of you have read in recent posts, I’m switching my writing style as well as genres and other than books being brought back to Booktrope, the D/s or BDSM books are no more. That doesn’t mean the blogs won’t continue to some degree. So this is the beginning of a new series. Serving Her Master. There are many ways this can be accomplished and every relationship, just like vanilla ones, are completely different.
For those of you who know me, you might say I’m out of my mind to ride the rollercoaster again. Perhaps I am, but when there’s true love with the depth we have, its tough to simply walk away. Love. That’s something I’ve learned a hell of a lot about over the course of these past two years. I might be kinky, but I’ve come to the realization that I’m not a kink player. I’ve explored conversations on Fetlife where many men and couples want to have me engage. The thought was and is intriguing, but I can’t bring myself to indulge. The event would be meaningless to me. This isn’t the case for everyone. Many enjoy simply playing at BDSM clubs or in the privacy of their homes with someone they learn to trust, but have no relationship with. That’s just not me. The trust developed with JP is all encompassing, like the breath of life itself.
Can you truly serve someone you barely know? I don’t think the concept could be nearly as fulfilling. There’s little that JP wants that shocks me, if anything. He longs for a third to share me with – another female. He craves having several submissives, the majority of which have nothing to do with sex. He always takes the time to remind me I’m his number one. If you met the man, talked to him over dinner, you’d probably never suspect the desires lurking deep within. We both have very intense jobs that take a lot of time. We have bills to pay and every day lives to lead. Yet when we talk, I am his and he is in command. The terms Master and Dom tend to be interchanged with ease, yet I think the two do have differences. They are tough to put into words. A Dom might be considered the lighter of the two, meaning the submissive maintains more of her independence. A Master is usually all encompassing, dictating clothing and friends or actions allowed. This isn’t always the case. JP in no way wants to steal my independence. He enjoys and craves the willful woman. This isn’t true in all D/s or M/s relationships, yet I’m no slave.
He expressed a fantasy to me the other day and I was enthralled by the passion he’d tried so hard to bury. For him, once they bridged the surface this time, I honestly don’t think he can shut it down again. This time, his words and requirements are stronger. They hold a very intense hunger. It’s as if he was unable to resist the flood of thoughts furrowing in his mind. Honestly, I truly believe that those who gravitate toward the lifestyle can’t walk away, not completely. And so he and I begin a new saga.
What would it take for you to submit body and soul to another? Do you fantasize about losing control, allowing a full power exchange? There are enough stories being devoured to suggest readers aren’t only intrigued, they’re living their innate desires through the pages of a book. What if you stepped outside the lines or the box, admitting your true nature? Yes, what if…
I’ll bring some thoughts in this blog series and hope to hear from you. I value and appreciate the various insights as they show me viewpoints I might not otherwise know. D/s and M/s is a journey, one that is for me, the most incredible experience of my life.
Kisses and spanks…