Social media is often the bane of my life. Yes, the culture is certainly here to stay, but I can tell you that the lack of direct human contact is often debilitating. We have so many sources out there to concentrate on. From Facebook to Instagram, Pinterest to Twitter, the list grows daily. There’s no way as an author that I can keep up with the various methods. There’s not enough time in the day to be able to sort through the messages and emails, the tags and likes. UGH. It’s frustrating. I also know that you can be anyone you want hiding behind a computer terminal or laptop – including an asshole. It’s much easier to chastise someone you’ll never have a chance of meeting. You know exactly what I mean.
I’ve spoken to many couples living the D/s or M/s lifestyle and they’ve been criticized for their type of relationship as if they’re less than human. Too many people, who either don’t or refuse to learn about D/s, think they know better. They jump to conclusions, writing nasty emails, blogs, tweets or give comments just because they realize they can without fear of retribution. No longer do you have to simply worry about your friends and family, your boss and co-workers. Now, anyone who has a different opinion or God forbid lives what they consider a ‘normal’ lifestyle can openly ridicule anyone and everyone.
A bit disgusting. Don’t you think? Some say it’s the way of the world and it’s only going to get worse. Really? Is this what humanity has come down to? Is this where we’re going as a supposedly intelligent society? Hell, my dogs act better and more respectful than the majority of humans I come into contact with. I’m a chick who has no issue speaking her mind. I also don’t hind behind many masks – that is I haven’t until I decided to explore D/s in more than just my stories. Any of you who’ve read my blog know why and while I don’t mind taking the heat and have a damn thick backbone, I certainly grow weary of the bullshit. If you don’t understand D/s, M/s or DD (and the varying forms of BDSM play, I get it. Ask questions. See if we’re all still normal human beings. You don’t have to try anything. No one is going to force you into accepting or embracing, but respecting is something else entirely.
I think many Dom’s and submissives hide behind the change they’ve made in their lifestyle. There are certainly enough blogs on the Internet to suggest many enjoy sharing their experiences with others, but there are many more who close the doors and blinds and never tell a soul. I certainly appreciate when I receive messages on my blogs or the few select emails from couples thanking me or asking questions. I love hearing from them. I can tell many feel like they’re on an island, unable to talk to close friends or relatives. What a shame. This isn’t a whole lot different than those sharing a gay relationship. The D/s lifestyle is lived by many more than you might choose to believe.
Where the Internet can be a trying place to meander through with the many twists and turns and people bashing, it’s also a wondrous source of information. I will always encourage anyone interested in or moving through stages of their D/s journey to seek out advice. JP and I have found many sites in which open discussion are encouraged and nurtured. They’ve given both of us a place to talk about concerns and worries, techniques and even locations to purchase implements. It’s fascinating what’s out there! I’ve learned so much and I’m grateful to those who take the time to educate. However, it seems you have to maneuver through the twisting path in order to find useful information. BDSM is often grouped together with basic aspects of pornography. Much like erotic writing is still even today akin to penning porn as well.
How many blogs have I written about the difference? Too many. What can you do as a couple? I have a few thoughts with advice, but I encourage you to explore and find your own, even creating a source for others if you’re willing.
One. Know what you’re looking for. This of course involves discussions between the two of you. What are you trying to find? What is the purpose? Can you temper the advice, knowing that your relationship is special and very different? You must truly understand that you are unique in many aspects of what you want and need to achieve.
Two. Navigate the sites with some caution. There are so many reputable locations such as Fetlife, but even this very popular website and social media location has its share of trolls. I’ve come across some true wackos who want sex and nothing else. However, once you weed through the bullshit, you can find so many incredible discussion groups for whatever you’re interested in learning about. Again, caution is the key, especially in the beginning. There are countless numbers of couples that have no problem sharing the good, the bad and the often ugly of their experiences.
Three. Take every bit of information with a grain of salt. If you’re trying to learn about the Violet Wand for example, don’t take the advice of one. This method of play or control can still be dangerous if used improperly. You have to read, learn, read more and experiment in a controlled and educated fashion. Anything less will result in distaste at minimum or bodily damage at maximum. You don’t want to have your desire crushed because of bad advice.
Four. Realize that you are indeed unique in your wants and needs. Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions, knowing that you’re going to often receive direct answers. These answers might not be what you’re looking for. Everyone has an opinion. Sometime these are followed with direct criticism because the party or parties think they know better. Some long term lifestylers have very direct thoughts that seem biting. I’ve had many of these in my searches. Listen and glean what you can then mold to what you and your partner are looking for.
Five. Continue to learn during every step of your journey. There isn’t a day I don’t learn something or perhaps take pause. Many in the lifestyle simply want to share so you won’t step into the mess they did or perhaps they want to share in their joy. The information is fascinating and I love stepping back and seeing where and how their advice might fit in.
Bottom line, social media can be both enlightening and daunting. You can’t expect to learn everything you both need to know from reading a passage on any social media site. Just like you can’t and shouldn’t take their criticisms as gospel. Again, everyone has an opinion and so many certainly don’t mind telling you.
Whatever acronym you place on what you’re sharing with the special someone in your life, you know that living openly is… Well, you know. The majority of couples have to hide their true nature for fear of retribution. Will this change in decades to come? Who knows. I would like to think so, but I have my doubts. In the meantime, don’t feel like an island. You’re not. There are too many who embrace, enjoy and thrive in ways not previously possible. I hope this gives you some thoughts to discuss over the breakfast table today.
Kisses and spanks…