Lessons Learned…Practicing Other Forms of Domestic Discipline

I thought I would title my blog today something that is dear to my heart. Not only is it the title to my latest D/s book about Jessie’s continual journey into a D/s relationship, but I think we all have lessons that need to be learned. For some of us we long for more harmony in our relationships. When I learned more about aspects of Domestic Discipline and Domination and submission, I craved learning even more. I write quite a bit about domestic discipline lately and I’m talking to more people about the actual lifestyle. I see more and more couples who are lost in their relationships and are longing to find a way to bring back their most basic needs. They need communication. They want need complete honestly and truth between each other. They want more intimacy. They want to be able to share their darkest secrets and needs. More importantly, they know they have reached a plateau in their relationship, one that could very well lead them to divorce.

I think that’s why my domestic discipline and D/s books do so well. Not only is it pretty sexy to read about a couple truly letting go in their relationship and adding another layer to what has been a routning, but for many women, they long to give up control. So reading about the very idea is safe as well as sexy. What’s so sexy about being disciplined? Well, for some everything. Think for a minute ladies – wouldn’t you truly like to relinquish all the day to day stresses? I would. Punishment for deeds done wrong is not new. This has been around for centuries. Men used to be in charge and they used to discipline their wife as well as their children. Women simply knew their place. Today? Not so much.

Don’t get me wrong, being punished in a DD relationship is something that many women don’t enjoy. A spanking is a spanking and meant to hurt – BUT they know and crave the strong hand. They long for their HOH (Head of Household) to truly be in charge in the relationship. So many women feel they have controlled their lives for far too long and when the man steps in and takes the reins, it’s very freeing. Spankings in a DD or D/s relationship happen sometimes often. There are also other kinds of punishment doled out – or in other words lessons learned. But let’s start with something that many couples practice and more are gravitating toward.

MAINTENANCE SPANKINGS – imagine knowing that three times a week you’re going to be spanked. Perhaps the timing is of his choosing. Perhaps he’ll surprise you with a text at work telling you to be waiting for him with his favorite spanking implement on the kitchen table. Perhaps he’ll simply look over at you during a moment you’re watching television together and pat his lap in a subtle fashion. Either way you know that you are a woman who will be taken in hand several times a week. These spankings aren’t traditionally as harsh as punishment spankings but they are pointed. They are meant to keep the flow of power going in the right direction, the woman knowing she is loved and cared for, and to keep bad behaviors in check. Let’s face it ladies, we all get stressed out and when I do I know I have a mouth on me. Lordy I do. I lash out uncontrollably at people over emails and phone calls and this tends to blend into home life.

I truly think that having a spanking reduces stress and even some couples practice this as well as all the other types of spankings. The man knows when she is far too stressed, worrying about things she shouldn’t be and he steps in to allow her to release. Tears and the pain of a spanking have an incredible way of releasing tension. I also think that for couples new to the DD lifestyle, the very concept of his control and making certain she is aware who is in charge is something that needs to be reinforced. For some couples he performs spankings in the early morning, right after they wake up. This can truly help her understand he is in charge. Maintenance spankings are a powerful way of allowing her to know he is keeping her in check so to speak. I also think for many women they feel somewhat absolved of their sins. Tears shed or the cuddle and talking time bring the couple back to a center point.

CORNER TIME – this seems to be practiced quite a bit in both DD and D/s relationships. And this is a no brainer what’s involved. The time spent with you nose in the corner is reflective, allowing you to truly consider what bad deeds you might have performed or allowing you time to unplug from life – emails, phones, screaming kids, television, the Internet… You know exactly what I mean. I think for many couples the practice also allows for both the man and woman to be able to calm down and become more centered or grounded. I know of a lot of couples where he has her undress and stand naked in the corner simply to help her move into the mindset of waiting to receive her discipline. It’s humbling having your nose in the corner and I do think for women they calm down, their minds getting prepared for what’s to come, thinking about their bad deeds or the fact they were disrespectful. It’s also that period where there’s no talking, no frustrating – it’s simple yet very powerful.

MOUTH WASHING – Yep, this is exactly what you’re thinking it is. What if you have trouble talking back or God forbid, lying to your partner? What better way than to have your mouth washed out with soap? Is it harmful? Well, you can find many a blog or piece of non-fiction on the Internet telling you why some chemicals in soap can potentially be harmful. In other words she might throw up. Well, one soap is always touted as the one to use – ivory bar soap. For the discipline some place a small bar in her mouth while she’s standing in the corner. Sometimes the bar is simply rubbed across the mouth and tongue and she’s not allowed to brush her teeth or drink water for a period of time. I can tell you from being a kid this method of discipline is very effective. I shudder thinking about standing in the corner with a bar of soap in my mouth. Imagine the scene – you walk in and you see a little stack of the hand soaps on the counter… Whew. That alone is enough to remind me never to lie. Right?

HUMILIATION – yes, it’s still used and sometimes more in D/s relationships but think about the very concept of being spanked in front of friends? Imagine being taken by the hand while you’re at the in-laws and trailing behind him as he walks into the guest bedroom. He might or might not close the door before taking you over his knee, lifting your skirt and giving you a hard spanking. You whimper and cry because you can’t help yourself. What would his parents think? Well, you may have seen blogs that are all about the 1950’s. There is a true belief that many couples practiced DD back then and we simply as kids didn’t know it. Now, most of us are younger but we do understand the concept. I think that some of our parents would actually applaud the fact the couple was practicing DD in their relationship. I know, what would friends say? Honestly? I bet if you truly explained how the lifestyle helped your relationship they’d be at least curious, asking questions finally. We all want our relationships to work and after trying everything else, maybe this is an idea that could work.

REDUCTION OF PRIVELIGES – well this is a no brainer. If your HOH knows you are very addicted to Facebook or blogging, he may cut out the concept entirely. Perhaps he won’t allow you to watch your favorite channel or even go to the mall with friends. Spending money is also another aspect that could be taken away. We as women love to buy things – clothes and shoes, makeup and jewelry. Imagine not being allowed to buy that hot dress or the sexy book you want. Then there are nipple clamps and figging…

There are many other forms of discipline of course. For every DD or D/s couple they struggle with her submitting in body and soul and the aspects of their previous lives. It’s about finding balance together and knowing what works and what doesn’t work. Above all you have to talk and learn, understand and have patience. This is a lifestyle that takes work, just like any relationship does. I do think the rewards are worth the strife. Now could you do this? Could you move to this kind of lifestyle? Hmmm…

Kisses   xxx

Cassandre