The Art of Control

Control. What do you imagine when you think of the word and the meaning? What do you long for? Have you always wanted to take full control or succumb to letting go? Everyone is different. Intrinsic personal needs are something we often refuse to acknowledge and why? Fear. We are terrified others will realize we’re not the polished creature we portray in our everyday lives. Allowing another inside our trueDownfall persona takes guts. Bullies take control. Weak minded souls give up control. Is there anything in between? Of course. The rest of us…

The word resonates in my mind in several ways, especially as of late. There are various concepts regarding the act including giving up control, self control, gaining control, relinquishing control – the word and the meaning is power. We all crave and hunger for a taste of it, no matter what profession we have, the amount of money in our bank account or if we’re considered influential amongst our peers. If we control we own, we are superior and we thrive.

I’ve learned a lot about self-control lately, including attempting to be healthier in all aspects of my life. We forget sometimes that we aren’t machines, but living and breathing tissue. We use and abuse our bodies given time constraints and pressure, stress and longing to get ahead. When we come crashing down, often the results can be debilitating. We should all learn a bit of self-control now and again.

What about control with others? Do you play a game to see who’s top dog at work? Do you snicker when a colleague fails? Do you every once in awhile stab someone in the back, just to get ahead? Tell no lies. We all do. Whether we’re vying for a promotion or one upping the guy you just can’t stand in the next office, power is intoxicating. Human nature is all about fighting our way to the top of the food chain. That’s how mankind has survived. Often this leads to the state of the world we’re in – chaos. It’s a shame to see how mankind has delved into the pit of depravity. The subject is a little too deep for this early in the morning.

Relationships are taught to be on equal footing. Correct? Mama told you that when you grew up you were going to meet a nice boy or girl, fall in love, raise a family and share in the good and bad times. That’s not always the actuality of course, but the notion has been there for decades – at least since the 1960’s. Why do I pick that particular timeframe? Because up until some time in the hippy era, man was indeed the head of household and considered the breadwinner. I’ve posted many a blog on this before, but I continue to laugh given the fact so many people I talk to either forget or refuse to acknowledge that relationships were quite a bit different barely seventy years ago.

Submissives SentimentsI’m just finishing up two books. While both involve aspects of control – giving and taking – one is utter horror and a raw highlight at the darkness furrowed in all of us. The monster in the story won’t give up until he’s slaughtered everyone who turned his life into a living hell. Is he longing to take the reins or simply embroiled in his own madness? You’ll have to purchase the book to find out of course. The other is a light-hearted look at a woman coming into her own, all while giving up power to a man, one of course she happens to be in love with and all nestled in cowboy country. (Women and cowboys are hot you know). The contrast in switching back and forth has been slightly daunting considering I don’t have as much time to write as I used to.

I usually move between three or so stories, just to keep them fresh. Two is enough today, given my word load and when they are utterly on the opposite end of the spectrum, well… While I’m switching my writing to the thriller and horror bent, I still have a few outstanding stories that were in mid production or simply need to be told. Yes, the majority of these involve some aspects of D/s or the darker side of kink. With the invasion of SO MANY BOOKS in the genre, everything it seems is mainstream. There’s little ion the way of sex or control that seems out of the ordinary. Perhaps that’s why I’m moving back to my roots in writing.

What I have learned in the four years or so that I’ve written stories regarding D/s, M/s or the basic BDSM lifestyle is that folks involved are every day people living their lives, paying bills, visiting friends and family. They eat, sleep, purchase houses, go on vacation, and deal with death and hatred just like the rest of us. I’m so grateful for their stories, the fact they opened up to me, allowing their thoughts to be shared. What I continue personally to find so fascinating are the reasons those submit or hunger for control. There are many explanations and they’re all very personal. Some believe they were born with the need and until they embraced the fact with they had to be dominating in a relationship or submissive, their lives weren’t fulfilled. Others grew into the taste, the desire through aspects of society – or so they say. Many find their distinct tastes during playtime. There are some who find their worlds complete by being sadists. Everyone is different.

The joy of talking with submissives, and especially powerful women in their every day life, has been eye opening. Why do you think women who are CEO’s, bread winners, have influence in their cities, hold a high stakes political office or who have secured wealth long to let go of control? That’s been a question that’s come up throughout my years of research and subsequent stories. My books on D/s tend to focus around such women. The one aspect of their lives they utterly have zero control over is their functionality in any type of relationship.

Why do I use such clinical words? Because D/s and the various forms isn’t always Subtleabout love. Love, sex, power, control, domination, submission can be interwoven. The emotions are strong, the longing deep and the needs consuming. Every relationship is intricate and special. Only when you can truly let go, being the person you now inside can you succeed in any type of commitment, whether vanilla or one based in some form of D/s.

Powerful women tend to shy away from their needs, terrified someone will see behind their mask, one that’s often self-deprecating. Think about it. They’ve spent years building the wall around us brick by brick. We refuse to settle for anything but the best, in cars, food, clothes and you bet, men. Yet we long for something else. Close your eyes and think for just a minute. What if you found the perfect soul to give up control to? Would you? More importantly, would you allow the person to rip off your mask? This is a question we can delve into in later blogs.

You may ask, what are the two stories? Submissive for Hire and 1-800-Spanksx. I’ll allow your mind to wrap around the tasty treats either might bring.

Books allow us to delve into worlds we might never experience. We can be the person we crave for just a few hours. Writers provide escapism into the unknown and the damning. As you read a book over the next few days, ask yourself why you chose the one you did? Are you perhaps hiding from yourself? A little thought for the day.

Kisses and spanks…


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
This entry was posted in BDSM, Domination and submission and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Art of Control

  1. laurellasky says:

    Good post as usual. Are you going to the RT conference? Blushing books has a 2 day conference just before the RT. I’m going for the blushing from Sunday through April 13, Wednesday. I don’t have the energy and am renting an electric scooter. If you go I would love to meet you.


    • I would love to meet you. Not ready for any conferences yet even though I’m back to writing. i am going to submit 1-800- SPANKX to them. I’ll look at the information for Blushing as normally their conferences are close to me. I hope you’re doing well!


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