The Art of a Hard Spanking…Are Discipline Spankings Going Too Far?

I’ve touched on this before but I had a wonderful conversation on my blog talk radio show yesterday, which really brought this back to the forefront. For those of you who don’t know, I host a radio show every other Sunday at 2pm called The Edge. I talk with authors and other artists who take their works to the edge (think kinky, wild, political) and I think writers who pen spanking stories are certainly out there. In my discussion with Renee Rose, I asked her of course whether her stories were based in fantasy or if she lived the lifestyle. While she considers herself a spanko, she doesn’t live the lifestyle per say – although she and her husband enjoy some playtime.

I asked her why she was interested in writing spanking stories and what she imagined her family and friends thought. Her interest is based in her long time desires – whether they’re more fantasy based than those who live the lifestyle. Her friends and family? They are supportive even if they don’t want to read her books. Then the topic of conversation came up about erotic spankings versus those used for discipline. What I found fascinating is that she doesn’t believe spankings should be used for discipline. I really hadn’t heard of a spanko splitting hairs this way. So we delved further.

For her, playtime spankings are fine or perhaps if couples are completely into the BDSM lifestyle, but using them in a domestic discipline situation? No. She had considered the option, even being open enough with her husband to discuss, but they chose not to explore the option. Why? She’s not come to the conclusion that while she’s submissive, her need to submit can be sated by their playtime. Now she can share in an equal relationship with her partner.

I’ve given this some thought since the show and discussed her thoughts and my comments with John Patrick. He actually mentioned to me today that one of my recent blogs made him really think about how difficult being in a long distance relationship can be. He commented that he feels very frustrated not being able to give me what I need and often times that includes his firm hand – as well as his loving TLC.

I think he and I are going through some growing pains. With my conversation with Renee in mind, I asked him if he’s noticed a difference in me since it’s been awhile since my last spanking. The answer was yes and that when I received them on a regular basis I was calmer as well as much more focused. This is the very same thing I’ve said recently about myself – which I find fascinating. I honestly feel a hell of a lot calmer after a good old fashioned whipping Why? Because I’m able to completely let go of all the angst and tension. God knows I’ve had a hell of a lot of that lately. I also asked his thoughts when he’s able to administer discipline regularly. Now, so far he’s commented only that he believes he’s helping making me feel better in a direct fashion.

Personally, knowing my Sir, I think he needs the control factor. Being able to have the lines of D/s laid out in such a fashion really does bring us closer together. When we delved further, I mentioned what Renee said and asked his thoughts. To paraphrase him when I asked whether he thought spanking for discipline, his thoughts were… Yes he believes they are vital. First he mentioned both parties absolutely have to be on the same page. They both know spankings are going to be used and he has to set the ground rules. He very much believes in black and white and when both parties know exactly what’s expected of them – in other words clear communication – that’s the first hurdle.

He went onto state that with vanilla couples where they have disagreements or if she’s crossed some line of disobedience (even in his eyes) what usually happens? The couple argues and usually one or both parties left with a bad taste in their mouth. In using spankings, the incident is brought to light and she knows in no uncertain terms what she’s being punished for and why. After the spanking the incident is completely put to rest, never to be mentioned again. We both believe this brings couples closer together, allowing full comprehension of the good and the ugly that usually stays buried within a relationship.

I’ve always thought there were three different levels of a spanking relationship – and yes they can intertwine in several ways. One is all about erotic playtime – some fuzzy handcuffs and a flogger purchased at a local kink store or on the Internet. The second is moving further into full BDSM where levels of spanking are used primarily for a part of serious playtime. While discipline can be involved of course, flogging or the use of a bullwhip (and assorted other implements) is often taken to an entirely different level. The third is the use of spanking for discipline or punishment for wrong doings.

When Renee mentioned she didn’t believe spankings should be used as a form of discipline, I admit I was taken aback a little bit. She considers a spanking more of a fetish. Her comments made me really explore my desires and fascination for the various lifestyles. For me, I’ve moved WAY past pretty much every erotic form of spanking. While John Patrick and I have explored various methods of BDSM play, spankings themselves really are identified as discipline. Certain floggings are used in various other stimulating methods. But a light spanking for foreplay? That won’t do a thing for me.

The methodology behind discipline is much more mental for me and I honestly think for John Patrick as well. We’ve come to realize after several months that my mental state around a spanking will determine how I handle the pain and the duration. He mentioned to me today that he’s noticed the concept of humiliation within and around a spanking affects me more now than it used to. Why? Yes, the very notion of being taken over someone’s knee like a child, ass exposed, is pretty primal and basic in every human. I think the re-focusing he always mentions is so much more a byproduct of the understanding I’ll be receiving punishment because of behavioral issues. Often times I resort to the vanilla girl and this includes my sarcastic mouth. I also know I’m pushing him mentally in ways (subconsciously) to see what lengths he’ll go to discipline me since we can’t be together all the time. Yes, he HATES that. I have a feeling the next spanking will be LONG.

I started writing spanking stories well over two years ago as did Renee. We’ve both seen a shift in how they are perceived and what readers are looking for. The fantasy is certainly still a delicious part of basic romance writing, but many readers are now hungry for real stories of unglorified discipline spankings – such as within a domestic discipline. The audience is hungry for reality while satisfying their kinky cravings. Spanking needs have changed in stories as well as in relationships. Do I think using spanking takes a relationship way outside of the path of what’s considered normal? Honestly? No, because spankings have been around since the beginning of relationships. Only within the last few decades did equality get in the way.

My rambling thoughts today. Let me know what you think. BTW, Renee’s stories are amazing so check her out and I’ll give you the show link – they are always archived.

Kisses and spanks…

Cassandre

THE EDGE BLOG TALK RADIO

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/worldofinknetwork/2014/09/07/the-edge-with-cassandre-dayne