Guiding a Submissive…the Dom’s POV…Pleasure & Pain

Guidance. I think we can all agree we either need or have required some level of guidance in the past. Whether in our childhood when our parents and teachers were the positive influences or college professors and our first or most recent employers. Powerful and distinguished people of intelligence offer a true representation of life the way it should be lived – with integrity and honesty especially about ourselves. I feel safe with John Patrick. I can be true to me as a woman and a submissive. I trust him with my body and soul and in doing so I can Pull my chainrelax and allow my fears and worries to come to the surface. His strong arms as well as his words of encouragement, incredible and very deep love and his discipline of me as needed has been a strength that builds, a growth that I haven’t experienced before. Yes, there is something very special about how we are and we fell hard, very deep quickly.

Pleasure. There is nothing so sweet as the dazzling sensations of pleasure. From ice cream to a fine wine, the heated kiss shared with a lover and the blissful moment of ecstasy when making love – whether cumming or not. Pleasure can make us do both harmful and sinful things to gain the rush, the heightened level of euphoria we long to experience again and again. Dom’s use pleasure often as a tool, stretching their guidance into obeying or a treat for being very obedient. Pleasure is also something that is given freely. John Patrick wants nothing more than for me to be happy but yes, he certainly will curtail various levels as necessary.

Pain. Yes there is pain in some – notice I say some – D/s relationships. Not every couple uses discipline and punishment including whipping and spanking. There are also methods of pain in playtime. There are many couples who enjoy going to kink clubs and sharing very intense sessions of pain, both together and bringing others into the event. He uses disciplinary methods of course and we have enjoyed aspects of true BDSM, but to date haven’t gone to a club or brought another into our fold. Are we considering? Yes. That’s for another blog but John Patrick will be tackling his thoughts and desires.

Being involved in a D/s lifestyle isn’t something many of us think about in the beginning of our new found happiness – at least not for most of us. We’re typically raised to think that all relationships are equal, or should be. In doing blogs about my personal as well as writing journey, I’ve been so lucky and happy to have readers tell me their thoughts. What I’ve fully embraced is that adding John Patrick’s POV has been enlightening for so many, those in the lifestyle as well as readers who merely enjoy the taste. For anyone just joining my blog, you’re going to see his name as a constant throughout the ones I pen regarding D/s and discipline. He’s my Dom, a man I adore and one I respect highly.

I also respect and value his thoughts and opinions and evidently so do a lot of my readers. Those who know the writer girl, you realize I not only write in several Punish Megenres, but I don’t hold anything back either. There’s no topic or situation I won’t write about – including in my blogs. The driving force of my openness at this point is not only my passion for what I do but the man as well. I hear from so many readers how having his actual voice represented means quite a bit to them. So I wanted to highlight him even more.

As you know, he and I talk all the time. We enjoy grabbing onto topics and exploring every avenue. I also love to have him talk with others both in and out of the lifestyle about his feelings, his experiences learning and growing. You have to remember something. He is a man first and was long before he was a Dom. Did he always have dominating tendencies? I think they were always there, but society and his upbringing kept his understanding of what he realizes are needs on the back burner.

And yes his journey allowed him to open up, accept and embrace his needs to be the controlling factor in the relationship. He thrives and excels much like I do as a submissive. He and I talked about highlighting his thoughts, ideas, feelings and worries in a series of blogs and of course he’s agreed. You’ll hear more from him over the next week or so as I ask him a series of questions. His guidance brings so many topics to the table that the majority of people don’t talk about.

John Patrick asked me what I would think about him disciplining another submissive. Yes, we’ve talked about this concept as he is very methodical and careful in his use of any implement, including his hand. My answer didn’t flip off the tip of my tongue. Remember I’ve told you I’m a woman first and yes, the way I feel about him in our vanilla stage as well as the D/s, I have to stop and think about how I’d feel. The reality is I trust him and our level of communication is as open as I’ve ever had. I had no problem with him disciplining another woman. What this did was bring up to a comment about the use of pleasure and pain as a deterrent and reward system.

From time to time I’m punished. I’ve disobeyed the few rules he has and I’ve deserved receiving his belt across my naked backside. I’ve deserved harsher punishment and I’ve received a lashing in the form of the use of the quirt – yes I have a whole blog on his nasty critter. However, he certainly didn’t start out beating me with a flogger or a dense paddle without knowing what he was doing and practicing. He wouldn’t have used the quirt – shivers – in the beginning because he didn’t know my body. He had to know how I’d react as well as how he’d react.

The use of pain – and there are as many methods of inflicting pain as there are pleasure – isn’t to be taken lightly. There are several methods which can inflict serious bodily harm. No Dom should ever consider without learning what he’s doing. No submissive should ever agree to submit to a man who has no freaking clue and doesn’t talk to you about sharing this step in the journey. Come on ladies. Get smart. There are many Doms who are merely out for their own pleasure. Sadists do exist. They hunger to inflict as much anguish as humanly possible. On the flip side there are many submissives called pain sluts. They want and crave the pain, no matter what happens or how horrific. They can only achieve actual pleasure through heady amounts of raw pain.

For me? Do I crave certain aspects of pain? Yes, but in the admittance comes a statement. I understand pain play. I know about the use of electricity and clamps, wooden horses and bullwhips. I’ve read and talked to many in the lifestyle so I understand. BUT… There is no way I’d ever consider anything without total trust in John Patrick. Are we experimenting? Yes. Does he talk to me about his Tell me you deserve itdesires and learns what I’m thinking and feeling? You bet.

I had a very wise Dom – a Master who’d been trained by men trained in the Far East – tell me that some submissives will beg for more because some pain can move you into what is the over used term – subspace. Yes, it does exist and I’ve been close for a little while once. As with anything else the extremely heightened state of being is learned. He said bluntly that assholes (meaning Dom’s with zero care about their submissive’s well being) will continue to whip or beat, pinch or flog without reservation, especially when begged. He said he knew when to stop given the coloration and the way his submissive’s skin looked. Hmmm….

Does John Patrick pay attention? Of course. He has pushed the envelope, pushing my limits further and I am grateful and I crave more. However I know he’ll only give when he knows I’m ready.

Let’s talk pleasure. We have a vanilla love as well as wanting to share even more of our D/s experience so we enjoy each other’s bodies, but I will forever be his submissive. So he does and will control if and when I receive pleasure, at least sexually. Pleasure for us is about so many tastes and treats. So the question about sharing this pleasure, as well as pain, has come up on several blogs. What I’ve come to understand is that the very notion of sharing is difficult. I’m going to have John Patrick really share his feelings about why he feels the need to have another in another blog. I think that will be eye opening for everyone. In the meantime, pleasure and pain go hand in hand with his guidance and there’s no one else I’d be able to submit to.

Kisses and spanks…


PS – Something I wrote on Facebook with a  picture. So very fitting…

When he holds my chain I feel loved, safe in the arms of the only man who can understand me, the only one who sees and nurtures my darker side. When he pulls my chain I know I’m to follow and I do without reservation. Submitting to him is my joy as well as my power. He is my Sir and I love him…

About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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